A friend of mine has asked me to be maid of honor for her wedding, and I accepted. We had a nice, long chat and I asked her what color dress she's wearing.
She's always been a dark sort of person. She wrote a book where no one has more than one redeeming quality. Once, a group of our friends dressed up in dark robes, went to a cemetery and had pizza delivered, and after eating the pizza, we picked up the garbage until the police came to scare us off. She's decided that rather than having a proper "wedding night," she's going to invite the whole wedding party back to the suite, hang a "do not disturb" sign outside, and likely jump on the beds and play with the jacuzzi and make a lot of noise. (her fiancé has the same sort of personality. This is going to be a fun wedding) And she hates white.
So I fully expected her dress to be blood red or even black. So I was surprised when she said it was white. Apparently, her mom threw a fit when she said she wanted a black wedding dress. So they had a trade-off, she gets a themed wedding in a white dress for her mother's... non-bickeringness?
Whatever makes her happy, I guess.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Intelligent design
About once a day when I work in drive-thru, I get someone who almost drives pass my window, and probably would if I didn't holler "hello!" at them. Often then, they'll comment on the poor design of the drive-thru. I mean... heh, looks like I'm going to have to do some exposition.
There are three ways to enter the parking lot at my McDonald's. Two of them can get you to drive-thru easily, but one other makes you circle the building so you can order. Also, you can't see the window that I work at from very far down the line, because it's around a corner. Besides the window I often work at and the window where the food is handed out, there's another window. We have it covered by a curtain, but sometimes people still stop there and I'll have to hang out the window to wave them down.
The poor design of this McDonald's is not merely relegated to the exterior; it also has quite a bit of wasted space, not much storage, a grill that is too small of the volume of business we do, and my personal favorite, only one stall in the women's bathroom. In fairness, there's only one in the men's too, but they also have a urinal. It was built on a crawl space rather than a foundation, and there are cracks in the floor if you look closely. And, the dining room is too small. I say, jokingly, that this McDonald's is evidence that there is no such thing as intelligent design. And the owner agrees with me. He's having it torn down and rebuilt like a "normal" McDonald's.
Hey, Mr. Owner, be sure not to give the contract for designing this place to the same company that give you this shitty design in the first place, mmmkay?
Chances are, it'll still be closed when I graduate from boot camp. It'll make things nice and complicated when the Navy guys show up to interview my superiors and coworkers for my security clearance and find a building site. Heh. I might spend a month or two doing more shit jobs because they can't easily find people to interview.
There are three ways to enter the parking lot at my McDonald's. Two of them can get you to drive-thru easily, but one other makes you circle the building so you can order. Also, you can't see the window that I work at from very far down the line, because it's around a corner. Besides the window I often work at and the window where the food is handed out, there's another window. We have it covered by a curtain, but sometimes people still stop there and I'll have to hang out the window to wave them down.
The poor design of this McDonald's is not merely relegated to the exterior; it also has quite a bit of wasted space, not much storage, a grill that is too small of the volume of business we do, and my personal favorite, only one stall in the women's bathroom. In fairness, there's only one in the men's too, but they also have a urinal. It was built on a crawl space rather than a foundation, and there are cracks in the floor if you look closely. And, the dining room is too small. I say, jokingly, that this McDonald's is evidence that there is no such thing as intelligent design. And the owner agrees with me. He's having it torn down and rebuilt like a "normal" McDonald's.
Hey, Mr. Owner, be sure not to give the contract for designing this place to the same company that give you this shitty design in the first place, mmmkay?
Chances are, it'll still be closed when I graduate from boot camp. It'll make things nice and complicated when the Navy guys show up to interview my superiors and coworkers for my security clearance and find a building site. Heh. I might spend a month or two doing more shit jobs because they can't easily find people to interview.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Letter to mother
Dear mother,
So, you went through my stuff and found my birth control. I almost want to congratulate you, since this is the most you've found out about me since I was seven. Which, judging by your reaction, is about your age.
I'm not really angry. I'm too lazy to be angry. I expected you to break your promise sooner or later, because you've broken similar promises in the past. I had hoped that you wouldn't, but like Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
I guess I'm sad. I had hoped that you would actually talk to me. No, listen to me. I've done a lot of listening for you. It feels as though I've been your emotional garbage can, that you talk to me in order to get it off of you, rather than dealing with it. What's more, I want you to care about what I think and how I feel, since I've come to the conclusion that caring about thoughts and feelings is the hallmark of real love. I know you won't find that in your bible, so perhaps that doesn't mean anything to you.
I can remember times that you've shrieked at me to "grow up." Now that I am an adult, I find a sort of irony in it. I mean, you're throwing a fit because I'm not behaving like you think I should behave. I wonder what Grandma would think if she saw you like that. I think that you got to point in life where you decided that you didn't need to grow anymore, so you just stopped. Oh, certainly you have grown older, but you have consistently chosen not to learn from what happens.
I know, I know, you've been hurt. I have heard you tell the tale many times, relishing the hurt, the details, the pain. Mother, your pain does not make you special. Pain happens to everyone, and I could point out numerous examples of people who have been through the same traumas that you have, some even worse, and have come out of it to live successful lives, with a better sense of perspective. I imagine many more have taken your route, to blame the world, everyone around them, shove off the responsibility of growth on other people. It is the easy way. The coward's way.
Yes, I think you are an emotional coward. Accepting the past, then letting it go was the hardest thing I've done. But, it's given me an incredible freedom... a detachment from my pain. I can look at what has happened, and see oh, perhaps that's why it happened, and gain understanding. Yes someone did a horrible thing to you. Someone did a horrible thing to you 45 years ago. It's as though you are stuck at that age. Maybe you are, emotionally.
Then, you had kids. You had a responsibility to be supportive and caring and nurturing. But, you weren't; you aren't, just listen to yourself and the disparaging way you talk about most subjects that my siblings and I bring up. Anything uncomfortable gets a one-sentence treatment. The talk about sex went: "Sex is for marriage." The talk about birth control: "Some women just can't say no." There's no information in those statements, no caring, no love.
So, you've found my birth control. Rather than behaving like you care about me, you try to rip me to pieces. I can't tell you how sad it makes me feel when you behave like this. I wish you had some self-awareness, to listen to what you're saying and imagine how you'd feel if you were called a whore by your mother. I will obey you and your rules, in letter if not in spirit.
I think I've cried enough tears over this.
your daughter,
Tactical Grace
So, you went through my stuff and found my birth control. I almost want to congratulate you, since this is the most you've found out about me since I was seven. Which, judging by your reaction, is about your age.
I'm not really angry. I'm too lazy to be angry. I expected you to break your promise sooner or later, because you've broken similar promises in the past. I had hoped that you wouldn't, but like Dr. Phil says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
I guess I'm sad. I had hoped that you would actually talk to me. No, listen to me. I've done a lot of listening for you. It feels as though I've been your emotional garbage can, that you talk to me in order to get it off of you, rather than dealing with it. What's more, I want you to care about what I think and how I feel, since I've come to the conclusion that caring about thoughts and feelings is the hallmark of real love. I know you won't find that in your bible, so perhaps that doesn't mean anything to you.
I can remember times that you've shrieked at me to "grow up." Now that I am an adult, I find a sort of irony in it. I mean, you're throwing a fit because I'm not behaving like you think I should behave. I wonder what Grandma would think if she saw you like that. I think that you got to point in life where you decided that you didn't need to grow anymore, so you just stopped. Oh, certainly you have grown older, but you have consistently chosen not to learn from what happens.
I know, I know, you've been hurt. I have heard you tell the tale many times, relishing the hurt, the details, the pain. Mother, your pain does not make you special. Pain happens to everyone, and I could point out numerous examples of people who have been through the same traumas that you have, some even worse, and have come out of it to live successful lives, with a better sense of perspective. I imagine many more have taken your route, to blame the world, everyone around them, shove off the responsibility of growth on other people. It is the easy way. The coward's way.
Yes, I think you are an emotional coward. Accepting the past, then letting it go was the hardest thing I've done. But, it's given me an incredible freedom... a detachment from my pain. I can look at what has happened, and see oh, perhaps that's why it happened, and gain understanding. Yes someone did a horrible thing to you. Someone did a horrible thing to you 45 years ago. It's as though you are stuck at that age. Maybe you are, emotionally.
Then, you had kids. You had a responsibility to be supportive and caring and nurturing. But, you weren't; you aren't, just listen to yourself and the disparaging way you talk about most subjects that my siblings and I bring up. Anything uncomfortable gets a one-sentence treatment. The talk about sex went: "Sex is for marriage." The talk about birth control: "Some women just can't say no." There's no information in those statements, no caring, no love.
So, you've found my birth control. Rather than behaving like you care about me, you try to rip me to pieces. I can't tell you how sad it makes me feel when you behave like this. I wish you had some self-awareness, to listen to what you're saying and imagine how you'd feel if you were called a whore by your mother. I will obey you and your rules, in letter if not in spirit.
I think I've cried enough tears over this.
your daughter,
Tactical Grace
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
[i] do something to [/i] support the troops
You know, I dislike the yellow ribbon magnets people have on their cars that say, "support our troops." I wonder what people [i]do[/i] to support our troops. Hey, I work in drive-thru! Let's ask people!
Most people say they have them on to support a relative who's in the military. Okei. What do you do to support this relative? The answer usually end up in the "uhhh..." department. Some of them do write and send care packages on a regular basis, but most, don't. To me, it seems that the magnet amounts to telling people if you happen to meet a service member, you won't spit on them. I imagine that it might be comforting to Vietnam vets, but on the whole, I think it's a wimpy position.
And it's not as if it's difficult to adopt a service member. You could head over to anysoldier.com, pick the last person who updated, and just write letters, tell jokes, that sort of thing. No obligation to send care packages or meet them at the airport. The cushiest job in Iraq doesn't compare with being home, and generally speaking, a letter that comes off as "It's rough out there, and maybe I can cheer you up a bit" is as good as a box full of hooah bars. Maybe better.
So if you have a bumpersticker on your car, spend the $0.37 and the time to actually support our troops. It's much more appreciated.
Most people say they have them on to support a relative who's in the military. Okei. What do you do to support this relative? The answer usually end up in the "uhhh..." department. Some of them do write and send care packages on a regular basis, but most, don't. To me, it seems that the magnet amounts to telling people if you happen to meet a service member, you won't spit on them. I imagine that it might be comforting to Vietnam vets, but on the whole, I think it's a wimpy position.
And it's not as if it's difficult to adopt a service member. You could head over to anysoldier.com, pick the last person who updated, and just write letters, tell jokes, that sort of thing. No obligation to send care packages or meet them at the airport. The cushiest job in Iraq doesn't compare with being home, and generally speaking, a letter that comes off as "It's rough out there, and maybe I can cheer you up a bit" is as good as a box full of hooah bars. Maybe better.
So if you have a bumpersticker on your car, spend the $0.37 and the time to actually support our troops. It's much more appreciated.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
maturity
I've recently been obsessing over a single sentence VA wrote : Children are the only people on this planet who can seriously claim 100% victim status.
It's got me thinking, is claiming to be a victim a kind of immaturity? I mean, shit happens to everyone. I doubt that there's a single person that has had a life free from emotional pain, but you don't learn from the experience by wallowing in it. I think part of maturity is being able to handle and control your emotions. The question is, then, when are you going to stop letting the past control you?
Let's apply this at a large scale. I imagine that many of the problems in Palestine arise from a communal victim status. (Caution: broad and sweeping generalizations ahead) Jews feel victimized because of the Holocaust, and Palestinians feel victimized because their fathers' land was taken from them.
Firstly, I'm not saying we should forget the Holocaust or The UN Partition Plan.
I'm saying that no one's life should be controlled by what's happened in the past.
I wonder, and suspect that I'm right, that blowing up yourself is an incredibly immature way of proving your point. The abbreviated scenario goes like this: "You're not listening to me! I'm not getting my way! WAHH I'm going to blow myself up and take take some of you along with me! BOOM!" Again, I know I'm massively generalizing, and I know that generally isn't not [i]that[/i] impulsive, but sheesh, that's what it amounts to. Riots are also generally massive orgies of immaturity. You know, I really wonder when the Middle East is going to grow up...
It's got me thinking, is claiming to be a victim a kind of immaturity? I mean, shit happens to everyone. I doubt that there's a single person that has had a life free from emotional pain, but you don't learn from the experience by wallowing in it. I think part of maturity is being able to handle and control your emotions. The question is, then, when are you going to stop letting the past control you?
Let's apply this at a large scale. I imagine that many of the problems in Palestine arise from a communal victim status. (Caution: broad and sweeping generalizations ahead) Jews feel victimized because of the Holocaust, and Palestinians feel victimized because their fathers' land was taken from them.
Firstly, I'm not saying we should forget the Holocaust or The UN Partition Plan.
I'm saying that no one's life should be controlled by what's happened in the past.
I wonder, and suspect that I'm right, that blowing up yourself is an incredibly immature way of proving your point. The abbreviated scenario goes like this: "You're not listening to me! I'm not getting my way! WAHH I'm going to blow myself up and take take some of you along with me! BOOM!" Again, I know I'm massively generalizing, and I know that generally isn't not [i]that[/i] impulsive, but sheesh, that's what it amounts to. Riots are also generally massive orgies of immaturity. You know, I really wonder when the Middle East is going to grow up...
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Drive-through ettiquette
I think that there are quite a few people that are inadvertently rude while giving their orders in drive-through. Some suggestions seem to be common sense, others are less so.
1. Diction. Seriously, there are times when I can barely understand customers for lack of diction. Ive changed "Hi-C" into "Iced Tea," and on one occasion, a small sprite became a small fry. And speak slowly! Over the intercom, speaking too quickly is one of the best things you can do to damage your understandability. Slow down, and make your consonants crisp, please.
2. Have an idea of what you want before your start ordering. Even if it's vague, I can list the choices we have in that category. Say, you want a salad though you're not sure what kinds the store offers or what's in them; a good drive-through order-taker should be able to describe the different kinds of salad fairly quickly. Don't get me wrong, I know that sometimes you need to look at the menu board to see the prices or narrow your decision, but please, don't sit in drive through looking at the menu board for more than a minute or so.
3. Turn your windshield wipers down if it's raining. This isn't obvious, but when your windshield wipers are on high, often they'll throw the water off of your windshield and onto whoever happens to be next to you. It sucks working in drive-through when it's raining just because of this.
4. Please don't yell. Try to speak in a calm, low tone. Even though the volume is up on the speaker outside, you don't need to match its volume for me to hear you. Speaking voice is good, if you know command voice, that is better. Screaming and shouting aren't good.
5. If it takes you more than thirty seconds to find exact change, don't bother. Exact change is nice, but celerity is better. If you have pennies to make it to the next quarter, dime, or nickel, that's more than adequate. Also, if you want to pay exclusively in change, please don't come at lunchtime or around 8 in the morning, because chances are, there will be a line at least three cars long behind you. Ideally, we're supposed to go from order to handing the food to you in less than 90 seconds, and giving me five dollars in mixed change at lunch is more than just annoying. It's going to take you and those other people that much longer to get to the food.
6. This is a personal preference, but if you're going to thank your order taker while at the speaker, say "thanks" rather than "thank you." Over the speaker, "thank you" sounds like "fuck you."
I may think of more later. I just want to put this out there, for contemplation's sake.
1. Diction. Seriously, there are times when I can barely understand customers for lack of diction. Ive changed "Hi-C" into "Iced Tea," and on one occasion, a small sprite became a small fry. And speak slowly! Over the intercom, speaking too quickly is one of the best things you can do to damage your understandability. Slow down, and make your consonants crisp, please.
2. Have an idea of what you want before your start ordering. Even if it's vague, I can list the choices we have in that category. Say, you want a salad though you're not sure what kinds the store offers or what's in them; a good drive-through order-taker should be able to describe the different kinds of salad fairly quickly. Don't get me wrong, I know that sometimes you need to look at the menu board to see the prices or narrow your decision, but please, don't sit in drive through looking at the menu board for more than a minute or so.
3. Turn your windshield wipers down if it's raining. This isn't obvious, but when your windshield wipers are on high, often they'll throw the water off of your windshield and onto whoever happens to be next to you. It sucks working in drive-through when it's raining just because of this.
4. Please don't yell. Try to speak in a calm, low tone. Even though the volume is up on the speaker outside, you don't need to match its volume for me to hear you. Speaking voice is good, if you know command voice, that is better. Screaming and shouting aren't good.
5. If it takes you more than thirty seconds to find exact change, don't bother. Exact change is nice, but celerity is better. If you have pennies to make it to the next quarter, dime, or nickel, that's more than adequate. Also, if you want to pay exclusively in change, please don't come at lunchtime or around 8 in the morning, because chances are, there will be a line at least three cars long behind you. Ideally, we're supposed to go from order to handing the food to you in less than 90 seconds, and giving me five dollars in mixed change at lunch is more than just annoying. It's going to take you and those other people that much longer to get to the food.
6. This is a personal preference, but if you're going to thank your order taker while at the speaker, say "thanks" rather than "thank you." Over the speaker, "thank you" sounds like "fuck you."
I may think of more later. I just want to put this out there, for contemplation's sake.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Reflections on "The Sailor's Creed"
I am a United States Sailor.At the beginning of every school day at Great Lakes, I and my fellow recruits will recite this creed, like schoolchildren recite the Pledge of Allegiance. I'm fairly certain that there will be some in my division who would protest this, but I think repetition is the best way to learn something, and once it's fairly solid in your mind, then that's the best time to analyze it.
I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States of America and I will obey the orders of those apponted over me.
I represent the fighting spirit of the Navy and those who have gone before me to defend freedom and democracy around the world.
I proudly serve my country's Navy combat team with Honor, Courage, and Commitment.
I am commited to excellence and the fair treatment of all.
It hasn't been around very long. I suppose there is a kind of tradition around it, but how can something be "traditional" when it's only 15 years old? It's a shallow sort of criticism, I'll admit. Those who have gone before me didn't recite this. I think that's it's deepest flaw, giving it tradition when it's new.
I wonder why it's the singular "Sailor's Creed," rather than the "Sailors' Creed." There are about 342,000 active duty personnel in the US Navy, and we're in it together, not as disparate personalities. There is no such thing as a "Navy of one," no matter what the Army may try to tell you. Every branch of the Armed Forces needs that solidarity for it to function. Perhaps, as we recite it, we should say, "We are United States Sailors... We protect and defend... We represent the fighting spirit... We proudly serve... We are committed..." I suppose the problem there in lies that I can't depend on anyone else to prove that I have Honor, Courage, or Commitment. Funny how the Armed Forces are like that, eh?
"I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States..." You know, I think you have to read the Constitution in order to really support it and I think that it's necessary to know its contents to defend it well. I don't know how well the average American knows the Constitution and its amendments, But I'll hazard a guess and say not well. But I think below its surface, its fancy language, its specifics, it say that each person has a right to choose how they want to live. I will support and defend each person's right to choose how to live their lives as they see fit.
"...and I will obey the orders of those appointed over me." I knew this point would get sticky with me. I am a skeptic, I ask questions, I want to hear what the authorities have said. I realize that there will be times when I will need to do what has been ordered without understanding its context or its meaning. But, I also trust that I will ask questions if an order seems very wrong or harmful. I may not be able to have the point of view that my superiors have, and I trust that in time I will trust their judgment when I cannot see what they see. That's actually just a little scary for me. I've grown accustomed to feeling like I can only trust my own judgment. But that is another blog entry, eh?
"I represent the fighting spirit of the Navy..." Now there's a phrase that's special -- fighting spirit. I don't think they mean a bellicose spirit, the spirit of bullies, but "fight" is such a vague word. Only two of the Navy's ships have sunk enemy ships, and one of them is the USS Constitution, the oldest commissioned ship afloat. So obviously, we're not out there sinking every ship of every country that disagrees with us. Or at least not openly, if the Navy is doing that, but there's a giant cover up (there's one for conspiracy theorists) so... well, I can't see the point of there being a cover up. More than anything, the Navy is like a Sentinel of the Seas, always armed but rarely firing. It seems that way at least.
"...and those who have gone before me to defend freedom and democracy around the world." When I think of the people who have given their lives to defend freedom and democracy, I think of the men who raised the flag on Iwo Jima, or the heroes of the Revolutionary War, more than the kids out in the Sandbox. Don't get me wrong, I think that they're doing what they believe in, but also we, as a nation, are instituting democracy on them. They're not really defending democracy, but it's more like they're on the offensive for democracy, if that makes any sense.
"I proudly serve my county's Navy combat team with Honor, Courage, and Commitment. " Honor, Courage, and Commitment are the Navy core values. Commitment and Courage I have good concepts of, but Honor is rather squicky with me. If they mean "honor" as a personal obligation to acknowledge what's right and what's true, then I can get on with that. Some other definitions would leave me rather speechless.
"I am committed to excellence and the fair treatment of all." This one is the most forthright of all. I like that.
It's nto such a bad, thing, th "Sailor's Creed." I'll probably have different ideas about it when I graduate bootcamp than I do now, but that's okei. I'm never really the same person twice.
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