a fetish for obeidiance.

I have a little brother. He's 15, and he has Downs syndrome, Trisomy 21. In his way, he's observant and intelligent. I know to some that will make no sense, but he can manipulate and play my parents like a virtuoso pianist, better than I ever could. I bewilder him, apparently, because I'm much harder to manipulate -- I won't say I can't be manipulated, though.

Anyway, he's realized that being bad gets him attention. Good for him, I want to say, I never had the guts to be bad, only delinquent. So he's being openly disobeidiant, running away from mother at church, not doing as she says when she says it, that sort of thing. Things like getting ready for bed become a contest of wills. She argues from authority, and he just wants control of himself.

Mother gets frustrated with him easily and often, and sometimes shouts at him, "Just obey!"

I find that mildly disturbing.

I mean, you'd think by now she'd learn some behavior management skills and put them into use. I understand that he's not a robot, and I respect that he has his own thoughts and feelings, and I genuinely value him and his contributions. When I talk to him about getting ready for bed, he's more open to it than if I just tell him to get ready for bed. It doesn't always work, and I don't expect it to. Sometimes I have to find a different tact, sometimes two or three, to undo the damage that's left over from mother and father being "authoritative."

This damage, though, is now crossing over into his school life.

I don't know how patient his teachers are. I don't know if they're as observant or respectful of my little brother as I am. I doubt it. So when he feels like he's had one order too many, he acts out. Or he feels ignored, and acts out. I look for his behavioral tics, and I usually stem off some of this. Like, if he feels ignored, he'll start giggling. I'll suggest to everyone that we take a couple deep breaths, and he usually does. It calms him enough to start participating in the conversation. But one of the best "behavior management" techniques is just talking with him and paying attention to him.

I've noticed, if I spend fifteen or twenty minutes talking with him about school while playing a game, or reading a book and asking him what he thinks of it, his behavior is generally much better for the rest of the day, and in part of the next.

Mother is too busy praying, usually, to do this.

She wants to medicate him. This angers me; she wants to drug him so he's more manageable? What's the fun in being manageable, in just doing what you're told without questioning it?

I want him to make good choices, which means I want him to retain his ability to make bad ones, and hopefully learn from the consequences.

Because, if you can't make a bad choice, then there's really no choice at all...